Our trouble with footballers

Courtesy of Joey Barton’s twttter account.

‘We are now obliged to …. return to that pandemic and apparently incurable social disease known as Association Football. We return from the loyalty and fair play of our cyclists, rowers and runners to that vast carnival of cheating, brutality and avarice known as the Premier League. We return from one vision of our country, personified by the decency and charm of Brad and Jessica, Laura and Mo, to that other isle, full of the noises made by John Terry, Wayne Rooney and Joey Barton. ‘

Geoffrey Wheatcroft, The Guardian, 16th August, 2012

The above may be distinctive in its florid pomposity but the sentiments are by no means unique, and in fact seemed to form a good 10% of Olympic commentary, on screen and online. John Inverdale, two-shirt-buttons-down, his golf-club compering of the Olympics athletics in full flow, let rip an audible sigh of moral superiority when BBC cameras focused in on spectator Frank Lampard. ‘And to think the football season starts only next week,’ he sighed.

Now our beautiful Olympic bubble has indeed been burst by football: ubiquitous, gauche, dirty, ugly football. The once ‘Beautiful Game’, now apparently bastardised and corrupted beyond salvation, has only gone and started up again to remind us that the Olympics was but a fortnight. Football is forever. It never bloody stops.

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Neil Armstrong, Man on the Moon – Picture this #18

The crew of Apollo 11, in a quarantine van, greeting their wives on their return. (NASA)

Neil Armstrong (left of centre) once commented to a journalist that when he was on the moon, he could shrink Earth (Father Ted style) to a space no larger than his thumb. ‘And did that make you feel big?’ the journalist responded. ‘No, it made me feel small,’ was Armstrong’s response.

On July 20th, Neil Armstrong became the first man to plant a foot on the moon. The iconic achievement of the 1960’s which provided one of the defining quotes of the century, never came attached to a famous face – that was Armstrong’s choice. A promise made by Kennedy, kept by Johnson, and delivered by Nixon came to represent America’s most singular achievement since its own independence and its biggest statement of intent as the most powerful nation on the planet – the very planet that one of its citizens was now able to hide behind a thumb.

As well as landing a piece of kit that contained less technology than a crap mobile phone, maybe Armstrong’s second greatest achievement was ensuring that he himself did not become a pop culture icon, but that a man in a spacesuit did, a powerful enough image for MTV to use heavily in their launch many years later.

Within weeks of the landing, the Charles Manson murders brought a symbolic end to the 1960s, so soon after the decade’s exploding possibilities had been symbolically realised with Apollo 11’s moon landing. However, as much as the Manson murders remain an icon of the 1960s, Armstrong’s words and Apollo 11s achievement now reach far beyond a decade and a moment in time.

Instead, Armstrong’s slightly bumbled line and his tentative adjustment to zero gravity have come to symbolize the furthest boundary a human being has ever physically ventured. The budget that funded the enterprise was probably secured on the grounds of shallow cold war vanity but its outcome produced a far deeper significance.

That and a load of nonsense conspiracy theories.

We may never reach as far again.

“Tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…. And one fine morning —

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

The Great Gatsby

Neil Armstrong, August 5th, 1930 – August 25th, 2012

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There aint no war in my head – blurblog 5, from nowhere to Hyde Park

blurblog 5, the final part in our blur marathon below. blurblog 1, on Hyde Park and how Blur have become a central part of our pop life is here, blurblog 2 on the tricky early years is here , blurblog 3 on the triumph of Parklife, and the cracks beginning to reveal themselves in the Great Escape here and blurblog 4 on Blur to Think Tank here.

“There were no rows,” Graham Coxon said when he left Blur in 2002, in the middle of the troubled “Think Tank” recordings in Morocco. This was both magnaminous and unlikely, given the combustible personalities involved. Indeed, looking back on Blur’s career, it seems obvious that Blur have been in various states of war from the very beginning, that their career has been one long and confusing battle.

First there was the war for attention, a battle all four members seemed eager to sign up to, and which culminated in their first, false commercial dawn with “Leisure”. This was swiftly followed by the war against Suede and looming irrelevance:  the band barely had a chance to celebrate their success before Brett Anderson’s glam wrecking crew had eclipsed them utterly, in the music press, in the charts and most importantly of all musically. This led to the band striking back with a far more satisfying record, the razor sharp, bristling “Modern Life Is Rubbish”, one which didn’t sell. Continue reading

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The funniest blog in the world – the genius of Hyperbole and a Half (Picture This #18)

Image with permission from http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com – go read. Now. That’s an order.

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture, a smart man once said – it doesn’t translate. This hasn’t stopped us trying to do just that for 15 years but it’s true nonetheless and the same applies to comedy.

Just ask anyone who has ever tried to tell a joke from a sitcom in a pub, only to find – after their long, elaborate set-up – that the punchline dies in their mouth and everyone just stares, puzzled or embarrassed. Recounting comedy is difficult, you need to experience it.

So we won’t tell you why Hyperbole and a Half, the half blog/ half comic strip creation of Allie Brosh, is the funniest website in the world (and if you’ve read it already then you know that and need read no further). It’s certainly the best since the late nineties glory days of The Onion (which now seems to be limping, like the Simpsons, into an eternity of being smart and amusing, but nothing like the joy it once was).

We won’t bore you with the brilliance of the illustrations, crafted painstakingly in Microsoft Paint to look like the delirious outpourings of a sugar-addled 10 year old. We won’t go on about Brosh’s amazing versatility, the way she can move from gen-X wisecracking or sweetly embarrassing memories of childhood to wrenching accounts of depression (see illustration) and make them all motherfucking funny (warning: Hyperbole and a Half likes swearing).

We’ll simply say go here for her memory of childhood cake-related shame, here for her attempts to test her dog for learning disability or here for her adventures in depression. In fact, anywhere will do, you’re never more than a mouseclick away from brilliance. But make sure you read this in an environment where helpless giggles and seal-like clapping are acceptable. A hospital, for example. Continue reading

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Fall into fashion, fall out again – blurblog 4, from Blur to break up

blurblog 4, the penultimate part in our blogathon on Blur. blurblog 1, on Hyde Park and how Blur have become a central part of our pop life is hereblurblog 2 on the tricky early years is here and blurblog 3 on the triumph of Parklife, and the cracks beginning to reveal themselves in the Great Escape here.

Blessed are the milk. Photograph via Last FM, Vanderwaalds

 Walking away from Britpop was the easy bit.

For their next two albums – for many the most satisfying of Blur’s career, including the band themselves, you suspect – Blur moved on and played around, never quite settling, never really wanting to. They dabbled across a spectrum covering lo-fi grunge to anarchic techno soundscapes, famously giving a hoover the floor in  “Bugman”. Blur began to wear their cleverness unapologetically and lightly, rather than as a means of marking their superiority. The arch, the glib and the chirpy chirp were put away; the artwork and the videos that came with Blur now were drawn from another palette; less garish, less attention seeking, more Instagram.

That they no longer craved the spotlight to the same nerve-fraying degree was obvious, but there was a slight problem. Albarn is simply too good a songwriter, too melodically gifted, to disappear from radio’s radar, and songs like “Beetlebum” , “Song 2”, “Tender” and “Coffee and TV” meant that the hits kept coming. Oblique album covers or domestic appliances may put you off the scent, but Blur still had our attention. Continue reading

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So drink, drink, drink and be ill tonight – happy birthday to Pop Lifer!

So yesterday was exactly a month since we first launched Pop Lifer on an unsuspecting and largely uninterested public. We were planning on doing a brief little self congratulatory post yesterday, but in the end we spent the day fighting off evil Twitter robots (we won! it’s like the end of Terminator here at Pop Lifer Towers, all smashed metal and bloodied humans) so it was a bit of an unhappy birthday (which is more than enough excuse to feature the above song, Morrissey at his pettiest, most absurd and hilarious).

Anyway, all is fixed and we are getting ready to launch our latest blurblog so just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who has been reading this and following us on Twitter and Facebook. There are apparently thousands of you, in 74 countries, which reflects the vast universal appeal of the Olympics and Tricky, obviously – hello Rwanda and Bahrain by the way. Special thanks to those who have spread the word by retweeting or sharing, and those who have actually bothered to comment (that includes you DJ Vulture – thanks for the frothing vitriol, it made us feel we’d finally arrived in cyberspace).

We said in our introduction that we’d let you know when we knew what we were doing. Well, you’ve got some waiting still, but we do know we’re enjoying it and will keep plugging away with our positive take on pop culture, our raves, our rants and our odd little thoughts. Cheers! Keep reading! Tell all your friends! (ALL of them).

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